How Do I Say Goodbye?
by Aoife-hime
Summary: [Fujitaka x Nadeshiko] His only wish is to be able to say goodbye and for her to say goodbye in return. Originally written for FairyMage's Song of the Rain challenge and winner of Judges' Choice award OneShot


Wow... I feel so incredibly lazy. I really can't believe I haven't posted anything since the end of August ;; What can I say? College is very busy for me. Busy but amazing (Macalester is awesome). This story came about as the result of the Song of the Rain challenge posted on lj by FairyMage, so kudos to her for getting me to actually write something. This is actually my first attempt at Fujitaka/Nadeshiko, but lately I've been in the mood to read/write more things about the more minor CCS characters. I especially like the different dynamics the adults have in their relationships, so I tried to display that in here, though I don't really know if i suceeded. In the future I hope to write more with Fujitaka (probably paired with Sonomi... thanks to calreflector for getting me excited about that pairing). Anyways, this is my small tribute to the beautiful relationship shared by Fujitaka and Nadeshiko.

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How Do I Say Goodbye?**

He was certain he'd never dreaded a weekend more in his entire life. All those hours of unstructured free time… he really wasn't sure what he would do with himself. For a wild instant he'd considered holding an extra class that would last all Saturday long, but he knew that would be met with less than kind reactions from not only his students, but also the janitors who would have to unlock the building in the morning and clean it again after class. No, there was no way around it. He was trapped in the sterile, impersonal environment of the hospital with nothing to think about except that nagging tight feeling buried deep in his chest.

It had been there for ages, growing stronger with each passing day, though he hadn't paid attention to it until just recently. Its effects had become so overwhelming that he wasn't sure if he could make it through the next day. The empty spot at the kitchen table, and more noticeably, in his bed made his chest constrict painfully. There had been more than one occasion where he'd caught himself on the verge of tears, but he held them back for the sake of his children. They did not need to see him crying. Not now. Not when they still held out hope. Hope that she might once again open her shining eyes and greet them all with that soft, gentle smile he'd fallen in love with all those years ago.

"Nadeshiko…" Fujitaka sighed, sinking lower into the plastic padding of the chair next to her bed. There she was, her breathing shallow, her long, luxurious hair that the modeling companies used to worship now stringy and matted against her face, and her skin paler than ever before. She looked like a fallen angel, lying there in her white hospital gown, the angles of her face even more prominent than the last time Fujitaka had visited her. Slowly, as if in a dream, he reached out and clasped her tiny, cool hand in his own. She did not flinch, nor show any sort of reaction to his touch whatsoever. Not even her eyes flicked beneath her closed lids.

"Nadeshiko… all I pray is that I could say goodbye to you one last time… and that you could truly hear me…"

* * *

While on her customary rounds, the night nurse poked her head into room 111. The beautiful young woman still lay in her bed, unmoving except for the slight rise and fall of her chest. Bent over the side of the bed, her husband slept, his head buried in his arms, one hand still firmly grasping his wife's. The nurse felt a slight wrench in her heart. She knew there was nothing she could do for the poor young wife and mother; her illness was far past the stage of curing. It was really only a matter of time. 

There was a blanket sitting on top of the cabinet that housed the young woman's belongings. Without thinking, the nurse reached up for it and wrapped it around the husband's shoulders. She would not interrupt them, even though her superiors would certainly have something to say about failing to enforce visiting hours. For now, she would let the man spend his precious time with the woman he loved more than anything in the world.

* * *

Fujitaka glanced around. It was night and he was back at his house. Touya and Sakura were no doubt in bed by now. He stood in the garage, letting the dry warmth of spring soak into his chilled skin. The lamp just outside the garage was on, illuminating a patch of cement driveway. Beyond the circle of light he could see nothing but the endless black oblivion of night. All the while, a gentle, steady rain fell from the endless black sky. He turned around to go back into the house, but the sound of a soft scuff on the pavement caught his attention. Fujitaka's heart stopped in that moment of recognition. There, standing close to the door of the garage, was Nadeshiko looking just as he always remembered her. 

Without thinking, his feet brought him over to his beautiful wife. He tried to speak, but all his words got caught in his throat. Nothing seemed appropriate for such a reunion.

"I'm glad to see you too, Fujitaka," Nadeshiko answered simply, a light smile gracing her lips. Her delicate arms encircled his torso in a warm, loving hug.

"So am I," he rasped in an emotional voice. He in turn wrapped his arms around his wife, holding her so close he was certain she would never leave. Tears raced down his cheeks only to be lost in her hair. "I thought I'd never be able to speak with you ever again. I know you have to leave… but I just wanted to talk with you once more…"

"Shhhh… I'm here now, and I love you. Never forget that."

"I won't. How could I?" Fujitaka held her closer, as if vowing to himself never to let go, even though he knew he would have to eventually. "What is that you're humming?" he asked, settling his head comfortably on top of hers.

"Just a song… _And when the night falls, my loneliness calls_… I don't want you to be lonely, Fujitaka. I'll always be watching over you. Even if you can't see me, I'll be there. I love you, Kinomoto Fujitaka. I love our family and I love us."

"As long as I know you're with me…" his voice trailed off in a whisper, a warm, comforting feeling rising his chest to replace the tightness of the past months. For the first time in his life, he felt what love truly was. It was beautiful, pure, and warm, transcending all physical barriers and binding people together for all eternity. "…I will never be truly lonely."

He couldn't be certain for how long they stood like that, simply holding each other lovingly, but eventually he felt a small tug at the back of his mind. _It's time to go…_ it whispered, and as much as he wanted to ignore it and let the pure moment they shared go on for eternity, he knew they had to part. With a kiss, they separated. No more words passed between them as Nadeshiko's hand slipped from his grasp. She walked gracefully out into the lamplight, the rain falling softly around her and creating an ethereal glow around her. Fujitaka thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

Then she was gone, faded into the misty onyx night, her sad, sweet smile never once leaving her face.

* * *

"Kinomoto-san? Kinomoto-san, please wake up. Kinomoto-san!" Fujitaka awoke to urgent shaking. He blinked, removing his glasses to wipe the sleep from his eyes. In front of him was one of the nurses he'd seen countless times. Her eyes were red and weary, and her face housed a somber expression. Without saying a word, Fujitaka knew why she was shaking him awake. Nadeshiko was gone. He sat up in the chair, his back and legs complaining greatly, and stared blankly at the bed where his wife had lain breathing only hours ago. She was still now, and colder. Doctors and nurses swarmed around her, shunting Fujitaka into the background. Their words didn't make sense, though. They were all jumbled together in the fuzz of confusion in his mind. 

Despite the confusion though, one thought kept running through his mind. _I love you, Fujitaka. I don't want you to be lonely. I'll always watch over you._ And he believed it. Even as the silent tears raced down his cheeks, he could have sworn he felt her hand brush his, though he could still see her lying on the bed.

"As long as you're with me, I'll never be lonely…"

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A/N: So this is it. As hard as it is to believe, the premise for this story actually happened to me, except it was with my grandma. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope to be back sooner rather than later.  



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